When Nigel gave me this topic I did what any self respecting media trollop does and Google imaged the hell out of it. I have to say I was a bit disappointed in the filth rating of the results, I had high hopes.

Anyhow. I was fortunate to receive a traditional British education, with cold showers, dawn runs and lashing and lashings of hockey. The great public school education* is the gift that just keeps on giving, and many years later I am still quivering with the neuroses contracted on those freezing sports fields. There’s nothing like a baying hoard of teenage girls brandishing hockey sticks, bearing down on you to help you focus sharply on the liberal arts.

The phrase ‘jolly hockey sticks’ originated in gentle mockery of the hearty, games playing, nice but dim ‘gels’ that people private girls’ schools in the public imagination. The Cambridge Dictionaries online cuttingly define the phrase as describing “A woman or girl of a high social class, who is enthusiastic in a way that annoys most people.� I would be kinder and say that exuberant, energetic people, blessed with enormous amounts of self confidence and unhampered by excessive brains, have their own uncomplicated charm.

It must be a post earthquake thing, but I’ve found myself strangely drawn to the twee end of the lifestyle blog spectrum recently. There’s something enormously comforting about their pretty world of charming china, pot plants and home baking. As it happens, one of my latest discoveries of this ilk is called Jolly Hockey Sticks, and it’s a rosy glow of niceness in an imperfect world, perfect for a bit of escapist cheering up.

So Hockey, eh? I used to like the little pleated skirts we had to wear and the orange segments at half time. I also used to like playing it on winter afternoons, when all the breweries in Edinburgh were malting their hops at once, and you could practically pour a glass of the thick yeasty air. Now I’m going to hand the blogging baton over to our glorious leader Tatts, who used to play Hockey for the New Zealand Olympic squad, for a rather more informed description of the finer points of field hockey.

Heartily yours, Lizzie

* Cultural Note. Rather confusingly, in the UK, a public school is an expensive private school. Schools for the general public are called state schools.

Today I just wanted to provide everyone with a light-heart, fun clip from a show here in the states called Ellen DeGeneres. This had me laughing out loud, it’s perfect for mid week and a mid day break. Get ready to laugh…I hope.

Fearon

This year the timeszoneone creative team has decided to part-take in hot Mexican food and tequilas for our Christmas send off. I can’t believe Christmas is almost here, we need time to practice our spanish. I came across a fun site that translates our names into Mexican wrestling pseudonyms. I would like to note at this point that it is all completely random and I had no part in the outcome….however accurate or disturbing it turned out.

let the show begin in Mexican – dejar que el espectaculo comenzara

Kim Hickford – brazo famoso (famous arm)

Lor Gold – padre supremo (father supreme)

David Mcleod – el gringo ridiculoso (the ridiculous gringo)

Simon Buutveld – el lobo fantastico (the fantastic wolf)

Rob MacDonald – hermano flaco (brother disservice)

Rose Carson – el monkey guapo (the monkey lady’s man) as rose is soon to be wed she will become Rose Wells – rapido rapido muerto (fast fast dead)

Richard Tattershaw – turbo estupido (I disturb the stupid)

Elizabeth Davidson – cabeza picante (sharp head)

Jackie Clark – la fantasía numero uno (the number one fantasy)

Tim Chapman – tio flaco (the skinny uncle)  

Mark Cornellison – el maestro sin pantalones (the teacher without trousers)

 

Hamish Macdonald – el taquito del chupacabra (the chupacabra taquito – mexican dish made of mythical goat eating monster)

 

Raewyn Topp – canadiense cibernetico (the canadian cyborg)

 

Liz Bissland – el ray azul (the blue ray)

 

Andy Carruthers – el dragon ultimo (the ultimate dragon)

 

Brett King – el burrito rosa (the pink young donkey)

 

Richard McDonald – el pollo de miel (the honey chicken)

 

Lisa Lye – amigo en los pantalones (friend in the trousers)

 

Brett Folkes – hurican toxico (the toxic hurricane)

 

Matt Herivel – el chango loco (the crazy monkey)

 

Murray Grossmith – el pollo mucoso (the chicken mucous)

 

Melanie Waddell – guerrero picante (sharp soldier)

 

Nigel Foley – caballero mojado (the wet knight)

 

Have a great weekend everyone! And please have a thought for Rose. Her hens night is tomorrow and us girls will be proving our love and respect for her by taking her to a classy establishment and thoroughly embarrassing her. Rose we do this because we care.

 

signing off Maria MacDonald – demonio en fuego (the fire demon)

For those new Zoners I hope I haven’t caused you to fear the TimeZoneSun experience. Do not be afraid it means you no harm.

Last year we were flown up to lofty glaciers, where we toasted our success with champagne. We ambled through the beautiful Mount Cook mountain ranges and climbed the awe inspiring Fox Glacier (it forms part of the South Westland World Heritage Area did you know).

We also frighted townsfolk, tourists and sheep alike as we formed mobs and proceeded to attempt sheep riding and unconventional poses with South Island landmarks (there’s a photo out there somewhere that I’m praying has been destroyed).

The range of activities we take part in range from spectacularly memorable to something similar to those dreams you have where you go to work in your underwear.

Unfortunately this year a couple of our team members will not be able to attend the whole North Island experience. Mark is expecting his first child but will relinquish his responsibilities as a new father to join us half way through….that’s how great TimeZoneSun is, the magnificence of creation and a father’s natural instincts to protect his family just doesn’t measure up. 

Adam from Myth Busters is another good contender for surviving the TimeZoneSun challenge as the following clip shows (this is a clip that I thought was a fitting reference to the antics we get up to).

 

  

And this is how the professionals would do it. Nobody could possibly be this co-ordinated on TimeZoneSun but it gives us something to aspire to.

 

       TimeZoneSun planner extraordinaire Maria      

Spring is in the air, flowers are blooming, lambs are skipping onto dinner plates all over NZ and TimeZoneOne staff are excitedly planning adventures, mischief and mayhem in unsuspecting small NZ coastal towns.

 

TimeZoneSun, a team building experience like no other, bringing together special qualities found only in a college road trip, an infomercial and a high school musical. Only 5 weeks away this year’s team building experiment is in the top of the North Island of New Zealand. I’ve never been there before so I’m really looking forward to once again abandoning my loving husband and child and skipping off into the sunset with my co-workers, a vague itinerary in one hand and a gin and tonic in the other.

 

This year I’m feeling a tad guilty as my 3 year old toddler is not as co-operative as she was last year. Our efforts in raising a confident, self-assertive child, although well meaning, often back-fire on us. Lately we have the feeling that the only reason on those odd occasions she has fallen into line is because we out-number her. With me out of the picture for 5 days and nights poor Nick doesn’t stand a chance. 

 

Last year was my first TimeZoneSun, I made all the usual mistakes, I drank too much, resulting in car sickness, emotional instability and snapping at rather confused co-workers (sorry Brett). This year I’m looking forward to repeating it all again but with a bit more class.

 

TimeZoneSun, it’s a 5 day and night team building extravaganza. After day 3 some may consider going on to be too dangerous. Words like choreographed rhythmic gymnastics in stubby shorts would make most companies retreat. But TimeZoneOne’s creative team are made of sterner stuff. We continue on. Some of us may require a break stop to barf at the side of the road. Others may require a stop to purchase the latest NZ Naturalist to complete their summer outfit. The fun must and does continue. By day 5 we are exhausted. In the 5 days together we have laughed so much our faces are sore, frolicked in the sun so much we are red and freckled, climbed so many mountains that we long for the flat Christchurch terrain, and drank so much our livers have applied for asylum. And each year we look forward to doing it all again. And that’s why we will never end up like these guys.

 

 

   

 

    

 Happy, well adjusted, team member, Maria     

Sometimes in the world of advertising and publicity things slip pass even the most eagle-eyed proof-reader. For example, “Grandmother of eight makes hole in one”, “Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing” and “Two convicts evade noose, jury hung”. Some ads can be unintentionally suggestive, “Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?”,  “Queen Mary is having bottom scraped”, “Child’s stool great for garden use” and “Organ festival ends in smashing climax”.

My personal favourites though are when translations go tragically wrong.
Here are some good ones-

“It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant�
- Purdue chicken ad as mistranslated in Arabic.
“Mitsubishi Masturbates�- The Spanish translation for Mitsubishi Pajero.
“Bite the wax tadpoleâ€� – Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese.
“Pepsi bring your ancestors back from the graveâ€� – Pepsi ad slogan ‘Pepsi Comes Alive’ as originally translated into Chinese.

Conveniently, this cleverly links to my recent trip to China. Here are some pics for you to enjoy.

Kim