With a world financial crisis happening all around us – here are some new financial terms and definitions to learn!

CEO  –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.  

BULL MARKET —  A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a  financial genius.

BEAR MARKET —  A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no  jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE  INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.  

P/E RATIO —  The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps  crashing.

BROKER — What  my broker has made me.

STANDARD &  POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST  – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT —  When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between  themselves.

MARKET  CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW–  The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.  

YAHOO — What  you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.  

WINDOWS —  What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per  share.

INSTITUTIONAL  INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.  

PROFIT — An  archaic word no longer in use.

Jackie Clark

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